Turning the Corner

It's been a stressful two weeks.

The prospect of A-100, the Foreign Service training that I'll start in January, has been one big factor. I've gotten the formal appointment letter, and turned in all the paperwork, but there's a part of me that's pretty anxious.

Then there are the fibroids that sent me to the emergency room and three different follow-up doctor's visits. That caused a momentary hitch in the Foreign Service paperwork as I waited for the State Department medical folks to review the new medical records and give my medical clearance the thumbs up.

During that eight day period, there were graduate classes to attend (Intro to Economics and Intercultural Communications this semester), final papers to write for each, and a final exam to take for Economics.

Just when State sent confirmation that my clearance was still good to go, the U.S. postal service brought me a summons for jury duty, for January, of course. Three hours of panic later, I discovered that DC allows deferral of jury duty for up to ninety days. There is a strict 100% attendance policy for A-100, but later training is more flexibly scheduled, so my plan is to defer as far out as possible.

This weekend a good friend took me shopping and I filled my closet with formal business-wear, the required dress code for A-100. Yay!

Today, my credit card was locked out because someone, somewhere, attempted to make multiple purchases with it on various websites, ranging from $1 to $500. Boo!

Whew.

Finally, now all I've got to do is... wait. The next four days are vacation: my folks are coming up to visit, which will be great! Next week will be a three-day week at work, and the week after that will be my last at NOAA. Hard to believe...

But my imagination has started to run wild, and worry is edging some of the excitement out. This is a huge career - and life - change. I could be living overseas four months from now, or maybe a year from now, or sometime in between. Where? Will I like it? Is it going to be dangerous? Will there be interesting and friendly people there? Will I be lonely? Is this the right move for me?

A million questions and worries and futile stabs at guessing the future are milling around in my mind. I'm finding it hard to focus, at home or at work. Sleep is somewhat difficult; eating habits are depending on delivery food; and I snap irrationally at people and have been experiencing more driving frustration than usual. Excitement. Anticipation. Fear. Longing. This is not a restful holiday season, oh no.

It's a wild, wild ride.

Going Global Again

My life is changing direction, people. In a good way, in a big way, in a global way!

The short story: Starting in mid-January, I will be changing careers, from an IT and Contract specialist with NOAA (which has been an amazing experience with incredible people) to a Foreign Service Officer, a diplomat, for the State Department.

The long story:

In summer 2013, my good friend Jeff looked deep into my eyes with a serious, no-nonsense look on his face, and said:

"Oh, please. Shut up and go apply." There was a long, silent pause, and although they didn't move, I could hear my dad silently applauding and see my mom's knowing smile.

We had been talking about my initial resistance to applying for the State Department's Foreign Service. I'd been voicing my concerns (self-doubt) and reluctance to take the entrance test. Jeff shut that down in a hurry and, after a few months of hemming and hawing, I signed up on the State Department website so that I would be notified of the next opportunity to take the test.

As it turned out, I didn't take the Foreign Service Officer Test (FSOT) right away. It's offered three times a year, generally in February, June and October. I skipped the October test in favor of getting a semester of International Relations classes under my belt. This helped me to decide that yes, this is a field I'm very interested in, and yes, I think I'll apply for the Foreign Service.

In February 2014 I took the test. It had four parts to it: the multiple choice section, which had question topics ranging from pop culture to world geography to history to US political system; then there was the Background Information section, for which I was completely unprepared, having spent my time studying for the multiple choice section; and there was a grammar section. Lastly, there was an essay prompt. Every section was timed, though I don't recall feeling rushed on anything except the Background Information part.

Then that was it... hurry up and wait. The military conditioned me to this particular game, so I was caught by surprise when the e-mail came, two and a half weeks later, to tell me I'd passed. Barely. But barely doesn't matter in this case; you either pass or you don't. I then had about four weeks to submit Personal Narratives: seven essays of a very specific, limited length, explaining my skills and experiences in various ways dictated by prompts. I submitted my essays in March, the day they were due.

You guessed it: hurry up and wait time again! About six weeks later, I received an e-mail congratulating me on making it to the next round: the Foreign Service Oral Assessments (FSOA). The process allows you to schedule this event within a 3-4 month period, and I chose to give myself two months to prepare. I joined a DC-area study group, which met weekly and was immensely helpful, and attended a "Diplomat-in-Residence Oral Assessment Info Session" which was insightful.

August arrived and in I went for a full-day interview process. The FSOA is comprised of three main parts, which in turn break down into sub-parts. Basically, there's a group exercise (which has the group exercise part and an individual briefing part), a Case Management exercise (individual test), and a Structured Interview (with Experience and Motivation, Hypothetical situation, and Past Behavior question sections). I got to meet ten other Foreign Service Officer candidates, many of whom were impressive. Age, experience, ethnicity and education levels varied widely. Five of us passed, just under half. No waiting this time: we found out at the end of the very long day.

The next steps were to obtain my medical and security clearances. The medical was fairly easy, just setting up a few appointments with the State Department medical folks and get them records from recent doctor's visits. Security worried me, since I'd traveled so much and been unemployed for a good chunk of time. After my initial security interview and filling out a detailed questionnaire about where I'd been, who I'd met, where I'd lived, etc, for the past ten years, I settled in for the wait, sure that it would be months before I heard anything further.

I received a letter barely two months after I submitted my security paperwork, letting me know I'd made it into the hiring register. Just under two months later, I received my invite to A-100 for January 2015.

It's been a wild ride, but nothing compared to many others I've met who have taken and retaken the tests and interviews, waiting for an offer that never came. My entire process took just about ten months, and that is pretty fast from what I can tell.

What's next? Next is A-100, or "Generalist Class," which lasts for six weeks. In week five I will find out where they'll post me (most likely in an embassy out in the world somewhere) and what I'll be doing. Where I'm posted will determine what follow-on training will be given, possibly including area studies, language training, and job-specific training. This could last three weeks or it could last a year, depending.

And then, I'll be off: off into the world to live and work abroad as a U.S. diplomat, with 2-3 year assignments.

The paperwork is formidable.

The possibilities are thrilling and terrifying.

The excitement is incredible.

Here I go!

--Z

Another Year!

I'm now 34.

Interesting connections:
3 - Zoë
4 - Rose

Coincidence? I think not!

And, 3+4=7, which is a lucky number.

In any case, another year whizzed by, and I have to say, life is good. Work keeps me busy and engaged, alternately satisfied and not, but almost always interesting and with challenges there for the taking.

Summer vacation from grad school is also fantastically satisfying! I'm reading three books at the moment (Jules Vernes' "The Mysterious Island," Max Brooks' "World War Z," and Sonia Sotomayor's "My Beloved World."So much fun! My CSA delivers yummy veggies each week, living with Cody and Joe is fun, the Foreign Service process is going well, and basically all is well in the world!

There are some harder things, of course: aging grandparents; impending move in October (to a new apartment, or finding a new roommate); frustration with getting into shape and losing weight; the itch to travel, travel travel ever present.

All in all though, life is pretty darned good. The past year has been a real kick with finding a new educational interest and possible career direction, and wrestling with life decisions and self-perceptions and ideas of the future. Looking forward to a year of amazingness, now!

~Z~

Exciting Days, Exhausting Days

The last few weeks have been exciting, fulfilling, frustrating and exhausting. School keeps me on my toes and stretches my mind as I read, write, and pontificate, and I'm three weeks away from finishing my first year as a graduate student at American University. Meanwhile, work has been ramping up in two different veins: a big contract activity I'm involved with as well as preparing for a satellite launch. Both culminated this week and went well, I'm happy to report! In other news, I passed the first round of State Department FSO testing and stressed for three weeks about writing essays for the second round. Hopefully in a week or two there'll be news about whether I've made it to round three. In a few weekends Passover will take me to North Carolina to celebrate with the family and a few weeks after that my cousin's wedding will take me to Florida. Living with two roommates has settled into a good experience but brings stress in that they'll be moving out at the end of the lease (July 31) so it's time to start looking for a new place to live, probably on my own again.

All this has me constantly trying to catch my breath, but it's a fun, wild ride!

Lots Happening, Nothing Changing

It's been five months and a lot - and nothing - has happened. How so, you ask? Here, let me tell you!

In late December I got on a plane and headed to Myanmar (Burma) with a group of undergraduates also attending American University. We spent two weeks in Yangon (Rangoon) and Mandalay, speaking with various education spokespersons, from teachers to students, debate club organizers to volunteers, government committee members to translators. All had hope and all were resigned to slow progress. There was much discussion of revolution versus reformation. Overall I was incredibly impressed with the fortitude, determination and optimistic views of everyone I met. And of course, I was bowled over by the unique culture of a new place. It was really an adventure and while I'd love to say more now, I'm not quite ready to process it all out loud yet!

I'm now in my second semester of graduate school, studying away for a degree in International Relations at American University. The first two classes were challenging and fascinating and although completely different, this semester's classes can be described, overall, in the same way: challenging and fascinating. I'm taking "International Studies: History, Theory, Practice" and "Security from within the State." Up until just recently both have been largely philosophical and, oddly, introspective.

Just last weekend I took the Foreign Service Officer test for the State Department. I have no real sense of how I did, although there's a nagging feeling that it was good enough. Nevertheless, I remain hopeful as I wait - impatiently, of course - for the results of the test, which will take 3-6 weeks to come out. If I did pass, there will be two additional phases prior to going through background, security and medical checks. Each phase is competitive, meaning if I don't pass one, I would have to wait a year and then start from the beginning. Whew!

Meanwhile, work in general goes along well, although there are rumors at some organizational changes that I'm not sure I care for. I continue to want to do well and progress, while at the same time knowing that this isn't my permanent home in terms of a career. This May I will come up on a personal milestone of paying off my military time and thus gaining eight years towards federal service, putting me at ten years service as of July. For some reason this stands out to me as a key milestone, although in reality ten years - while better than just two! - is not indicative of any great achievement or reward.

On the home front, my friend Joe has returned from his deployment and is visiting Cody for a few weeks. He'll go back to Colorado Springs to work out his employment situation, hopefully getting a job set up for the general DC area, and then will possibly move back in with me and Cody until the lease is up this summer. I have no idea what I'll do then, since they'll most likely move to their own place and I really can't afford this apartment on my own. The idea of a shedding "stuff" and finding a small apartment for myself is attractive. Moving again is not.

With Joe's return I also realize, in completely immature fashion, that I'm single and, for lack of making an effort otherwise, likely to stay that way. Most times this doesn't bother me. Ok, perhaps not completely true, but most times I don't let it bother me too much. It's harder when you become the third in a living space alongside a couple. I know this from past experience, yet I failed to recognize the likelihood of its impact on me. For example, today I've acted like a complete jerk towards both Joe and Cody, for no reason other than my own self-loathing in this regard. If that sounds harsh, it's because my mood is foul and I'm not very unforgiving of my own crabbiness, especially when it's so selfish and baseless. I don't loathe myself; instead, I have no idea why it bothers me so much that I'm single. If it really mattered, wouldn't I do something about it?

Everyone says 'there's time' and that it'll 'happen when I least expect it' and to 'relax.' I can't figure out if it's really important to me, or if so why (because society says so or because finding someone is truly important to me or because I want a family). Also, what should I do about it anyway? Move to a place with a better ratio? (DC is notorious for having a terrible ration for women.) Having recently made a half-assed effort to go out with someone, just to be shot down (and realize that he's not right for me anyway), it just seems sort of silly. After all, I'm making all the efforts to find a career I'll be happy in, that will get me traveling or living abroad and into a subject area I'm passionate about. Obviously the ability to at least attempt to improve my situation in that respect is there. So why not in this other aspect of my life?

*sigh* So, as I said at the beginning of this post: it's been five months since I've written, and while a lot has happened... absolutely nothing has changed.

--Z

NOTE: I'm in a mood. I'm sad. I've been a jerk to my roommates for no reason and am feeling bad about it. In no way am I as down as I sound, overall. It's just the moment I'm currently in.